


The Worst Party

by theheartofthekoko



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Temporary Character Death, idk man, it's cheaper than therapy, the dumpster fire that was the season four finale but make it Funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:47:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26656129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theheartofthekoko/pseuds/theheartofthekoko
Summary: The bonfire scene goes rather differently this time around.Or: All of Quentin's friends are assholes, and if he's going down, he's taking them all with him.
Comments: 18
Kudos: 35





	The Worst Party

Julia flipped the first Fillory book over and over in her hands, looking down at with a sad smile. “Q and I used to pretend to be the king and queen of Fillory almost every day,” she said. “That was a simpler time, I guess.” She tossed the book into the fire and watched it go up in flames, thinking fondly of who, even after death, she would always consider her best friend.

“That was a first edition,” Alice said. “I bet you could have gotten a lot of money for it.”

“Wasn’t Plover a pedophile?” Kady asked.

Julia sniffled, wiping the tears from below her eyes. “…it’s the thought that counts, right?”

An awkward silence descended as they all stared at the book turn to cinders, large chunks of ashes floating into the air. Alice cleared her throat and spoke: “Quentin and I were never closer than when I was inside him.” Alice looked up at the sound of Margo coughing violently to see her clutching at the lapel of Eliot’s jacket and covering her mouth as she tried to contain her laughter.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Margo said, waving her hand in front of her face. “I just didn’t realize you and little Q were up to such kinky shit.”

“I meant when I was a Niffin,” she said fussily. She dabbed at her eyes, despite their dry state. “We really bonded over how much of a frail meat sack he was, you know?”

Everyone nodded pleasantly, but Julia and Penny 23 both scooted further away from her. She decided not to notice as she dug into her purse to pull out the Niffin box Quentin had tried so valiantly to trap her in. With a wistful sigh for happier, more murderous days, she tossed it into the fire. It burned up slower, but was soon smoldering away, swallowed by flames. Margo was still laughing.

Kady walked forward from where she’d been leaning against a tree a little away from the rest of the group, a small, brown book held loosely in her hands. “This represents when my respect for Quentin was at its highest.” She raised the hand in salute of her dead not-friend and went to toss it into the fire, but Alice snatched it from her hands and flipped it open.

“Isn’t this the book we used to try to summon Charlie?” Alice asked, finger trailing down the index page. “That was our first week at Brakebills.”

“Yeah, and my opinion of him’s gone downhill ever since.” Kady snatched the book out of Alice’s hands and tossed it into the fire, ignoring Alice’s protests that burning library books was evil. As if she had any room to talk about right or wrong.

Margo and Eliot were eyeing each other, clearly having a silent conversation that the rest of them couldn’t understand. It went on far a few charged minutes before Margo stood primly and tossed in Quentin’s Fillorian crown without another word. Margo watched the crown blacken but do little else. Perhaps she hadn’t thought this through.

“It’s not melting,” Julia said.

“…that’s literally Fillory’s property,” Eliot said, voice thick. “Did you have the right to do that?”

“Well, I _am_ still their Queen,” she said, straightening the crown she had perched on her head for no apparent reason, seeing as she’d been on Earth for weeks now.

“Should we fish it out?” Penny 23 asked, reaching into the fire. His sleeve caught flame. Alice slapped it out. They all left it alone after that.

Margo sat back down and squeezed Eliot’s hand reassuringly. He stayed seated, staring blankly into the fire for a few minutes before clearing his throat. He pulled a blue ceramic tile from his deep jacket pocket, eyes still blank and unfocused. He brought it up to his face, kissed its smooth surface, and tossed it into the fire, ignoring everyone’s quizzical looks.

“Q would understand,” he said firmly. He couldn’t think about it, couldn’t explain it— _wouldn’t_ or he’d break.

“That won’t burn either, you know,” Margo said with a moody huff.

“Penny?” Eliot prompted, desperate to shift everyone’s focus somewhere else.

“What?” he demanded. “I barely knew the guy.” Penny crossed his arms petulantly. Like hell he was going to join this little sob-fest jerk-off session willingly. His presence was gift enough.

That’s about when the smell of whatever chemical had been coating Eliot’s tile and had since melted off began permeating the air. Julia choked. Margo covered her mouth and tried to breath while Alice glared accusingly at Eliot. “You couldn’t have found something to throw in that wasn’t going to kill us?” she demanded.

“Oh, god, what’s that smell?” Josh interrupted, walking up to the fire, egg sandwich dangling from his hand.

“You’re late, idiot,” Margo snapped from behind her hand.

“Late for what? I wasn’t even invited to this party!” He looked down at his sandwich wistfully, then tossed it into the fire to burn. “Ugh, I’ve lost my appetite. Worst. Party. Ever.”

Everyone was looking at him in horror. Josh simply shrugged, uncaring. “So, what are we celebrating?” he asked, trying to alleviate whatever awkward tension he’d wandered into.

“That can be from me, too,” Penny 23 said with a quiet laugh. “The best time we ever had together was probably when we got mind-fucked by that dragon egg, right? And that sandwich sure does smell like eggs.”

Out of sight from everyone else, Penny 40 was hunched over, hands pressed to his knees as he laughed harder than he ever had before. Oh my god, this was _priceless._ The look on Quentin’s _face._

“Shut up, man,” Quentin said, shoving his shoulder hard enough to send him sprawling. Penny didn’t even complain—this was just too hilarious. He rolled onto his back and continued laughing. “This isn’t funny.”

Penny listened to Josh glibly ask who died and had to beg to differ.

“Oh, well the sandwich is for you then, bro,” Josh said, fist bumping his own heart then holding it back out to the fire. “I was done with it anyway.”

“A fucking _sandwich_?” Quentin asked, outraged.

Penny had tears streaming down his face, as he descended into hysterical giggles. “What bro, are you not hungry?”

“You have to help me, Penny!” Quentin demanded. “Help me come back to life so I can murder every one of our friends.”

Well, that _would_ be entertaining, and he’d been bored in the underworld for so long. He deserved some enjoyment in the afterlife, didn’t he?

“Alright, man. Help me up, and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

Quentin smiled. It was decidedly more bloodthirsty than Penny had ever seen it. This was going to be _fun._


End file.
